Pastel Black- You keep using that term but it doesn't mean what you think it means.

Unless you live under a rock, you're aware that LLR is in the process of launching their Noir Collection. This is a grouping of clothing (a Capsule) that is all "black". As to quote the official LLR facebook page... "Black. Dark Black. Pitch Black. Pastel Black. Light Black. Faded Black."

Did you catch that? They used the term "pastel black". What in the actual hell is this f*ckery?

This, in my opinion, is LLR's way of calling something by a name that isn't a real name, thus causing confusion... that's kinda their MO now.

Other words and terms LLR has misused includes:

Fashion-forward, high-end, game-changer, trustworthy, stale, and profitable business.

And, to put even more of a damper on this new "collection", I have already personally seen some pictures of the boxes that some retailers received of the Noir Capsule. There were ugly patterns in there. You can make a Dorito-vagina pattern black and white but it is still a Dorito-vagina.

Oh, and remember: LLR won't allow returns of anything in a Capsule. If you read a previous blog post of mine, you will remember my prediction: Everything will be sold in Capsules now- so they can continue to screw y'all over. No, I am not psychic. I am simply observant and a proficient bull crap reader. Additionally, I am betting that they'll consider all black and white (or GREY) pieces as Capsule pieces now- even if they weren't purchased in a Capsule. That's what they do. They make up their own rules. 

So, LLR... you can call it "Pastel Black" all you want, but it's grey.

And, you can call it a game-changer all you want... but ain't nothin' changin' 'bout your business except that thousands of us are onto your shenanigans.

Go ahead and keep misusing words and terms. At least you're making Facebook fun to read.

How The LuLaGrinch Stole Christmas

Let me start by saying this: I detest Wal-Mart. I literally would rather run a marathon with a Lego in my shoe than to take a single step into a Wal-Mart. Please keep this in mid as you read the following...

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
The LuLaCult was stirring,
And hiding from Mickey Mouse.

Their "game-changer" hadn't worked,
They'd let everyone down,
They had holes in their asses,
And everyone wore frowns.

And what to our wondering eyes should appear?
But a pair of leggings with high-looking reindeer,

There were leggings with patterns so ugly, it hurt.
And faces of the "layered-one" covering a skirt.

I thought to myself,
"no way in hell I am wearing those."
So I walked my ass to Wal-Mart,
And didn't care that I froze.

I refused to wear patterns that caused my family shame,
And laughed that LLR said they could change the game.

I would rather wear leggings from the Wal-Mart rack,
Than risk Santa Claus seeing my exposed crack.

The Holiday Collection ruined Christmas this year,
But like the Titanic, the end is drawing near."

LLR Makes New Meaning Of The Term, "Living Paycheck To Paycheck"

Read the following with care and please put your Kool-aid down prior to scrolling.

I remember when I was a broke college student, working as a part-time bank teller. I found out real quick how it felt to have $20 to my name until I got my next paycheck. I would get paid, go shopping, look at my account the next day, realize that I had overspent (again) and would be broke until the next payday only to repeat the cycle.

Could this be what LLR is doing? Hear me out. 

We all know (unless you live under a rock) that all hell has broken loose with LLR and their relationship with a shit-ton of their "independent retailers" this year. It seems to me that it's because LLR has reverted back to their college days. They spent their money from the on-boarding of like 80,000 people (and I don't care what they spent it on... a car, a house, plastic surgery, warehouses full of eyeliner...). I am going to assume that a ton of money went to paying out refunds to people running away from the shitshow. Once they spent it, they needed to make more. They needed another paycheck. So, they launched the Halloween and Disney Villain capsules. Ca-ching. They got paid.

But, just like the college days analogy, they instantly needed more money. No, they didn't spend it on fun stuff this time. They spent the money on more refunds and damage from an apparent fire in their "check writing facility" in the warehouse or some shit (nope. I don't believe it either). So, they go ahead and launch their Christmas capsules. Boom. Another paycheck.

Again, though, they overspent. See the cycle? Amazingly enough, there wasn't a fire in the warehouse this time. Their check-writing system is down. (Remember how I said I was a bank teller? Yeah... ummmm... checks can be written by hand. So...) This is the equivalent of telling the electric company that you can't write them a check for your bill this month because you broke your hand. Think about it. This analogy is spot-on when you realize that they're giving the excuse of their machine being down as a reason for owing thousands and thousands (and thousands) of dollars to TONS of people and still not paying them. Wanna know why they're not paying? Because they need another payday. Hence the Elegant capsule. And the (hideous) shoes. And whatever "game-changer" they have up their lacy sleeves.

But what happens when the paychecks stop coming? When I was that broke college kid, I had to quit my job. So, when I only had that $20 in my account, I couldn't count the days until my next paycheck came. I didn't have more coming. Are you picking up what I am putting down? Just like the electric company, shit can't get paid if you have no money. At what point are they going to run out of ideas for shoes, jean jackets, long sweaters, sleeved sweaters, v-neck shirts with short sleeves, ruffled dresses, straight dresses, hole-y leggings, narcissistic leggings, themed-leggings, and so on? Humans only have the need for so much clothing. Clothes aren't supplements. Even Herbalife figured out a way to sell a product with a limited shelf-life, thus creating the need for constant purchasing. Their pyramid seems to be stronger than yours, LLR.

So, you see: the term "living paycheck to paycheck" seems to have a different meaning when you look at it this way. Paychecks are getting smaller and smaller. At what point does the account balance become negative and the house of cards start to crumble?

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