Hey LLR- You're ruining the entire human civilization for eons to come.

When I first heard of your little company, you sold leggings, two or three types of skirts, and a handful of shirts and dresses. There were a couple thousand "independent retailers" that sold your stuff. You seemed like you were a reputable, strong, smart company.

But then, something happened. Did y'all forget to take your meds or somethin'? 

Now you launch new styles on the daily. Hell, you even have "shoes" now. (Did you see what I did there with the quotation marks? That was on purpose. I mean, yes. I guess they're to be worn on the feet but they're not exactly shoes.)

I hate to tell you this, but there is a certain number of women on this planet. Most women have two arms, two legs, two feet and an abdomen. We only have a certain number of articles of clothing needed. Clothes are not a consumable product. (Well, they shouldn't be. I guess that leggings that dissolve on the body could be considered consumable.)

You have gone and lost your eye-lined, lacy, mismatched, layered, LuLaSuited minds if you think that your current business model makes sense. You're polluting this planet with your insanity. Just like Herbalife, your stuff is about to sit in warehouses and garages, left to rot.

And I want to personally thank you for the ideas that the future inhabitants of this earth will think about our sense of style. If any of your articles of clothing are found someday by a future race, they're gonna wonder what in the hell we were all thinking when we chose to wear vaginas and Doritos on our clothing!

Just kidding on that last part- LLR clothing doesn't last past a few wears and a wash. No chance in hell that a future civilization will see this shit... but, nevertheless, it was funny. 

Please. Stop. Polluting. This. Planet.

LLR follows H&L in name change: Now to be known as Hole-y Hell

When H&L changed their name to "Piphany", I heard a collective gasp that reverberated across all of Facebook. However, this name change was no surprise.

When LLR launched their newest holiday capsules, they found it appropriate to use the comical drawings of their leaders as prints and patterns. Way to go, LLR. At least you can say that you didn't steal these designs from someone! Y'all clearly made these designs up. Clearly.

Supposedly there are women who are standing in lines a mile long to get tees/leggings with the head designer's face on them. What customers would want that?? The answer is simple: NONE. Zip. Zilch. No customer would ever want a print like that. So, who would? Your "retailers". Inadvertently, LLR (aka Hole-y Hell) showed their ass by creating these designs.

They're marketing ONLY to their consultants with these prints.
They have rules that state that a shit-ton of articles of clothing must be purchased in order to be bonus-eligible.
So... they're telling these ladies that they MUST purchase these items if they wanna make money while also acknowledging that this shit won't sell at MAP because no consultant with half a brain would pay even wholesale pricing for this garb (short for garbage).

Plus, their new rules state that no items of clothing that are purchased in a capsule can be returned to the company, even for a partial refund. When you also note all the posts that are floating around that state that all non-capsule items are either sold out or basically impossible to order, then you see yet another conundrum. They're screwing you over, ladies. Please, please, please stop buying this crap. Your customers have basically stopped. Why haven't you?

Additional possible name changes also included Narcissist Accouterments, Scheming Pyramids, and even Name That Stolen Design.

Seriously: No. They didn't change their name. Yet (insert conspiratorial wink emoji here).

So... what's with all the vaginas, anyway?

I remember where I was standing the first time I heard of the now infamous LuLaRoe brand.

I was at a vendor event and my trusted, closest friend said, "LLR is here! Have you ever felt how soft their leggings are?" I then turned and walked my happy ass over to the lady who proceeded to make $100 bucks (minimum) off of me. Their prints were unique and I loved their use of colors and designs. Months later, however, I was stuck with a question that seemed to play over and over in my mind: What the hell is with all these vaginas?

Seriously. You're a company made of women, run by women, selling to women. We know a vagina when we see one. (Yes. We all know that there are some LuLaBros and a certain "chemist"- but he is a douche-canoe so none of these "men" count.) 

You have vaginas with chihuahuas coming out of them, flowered vaginas, hairy (looking) vaginas, and vaginas of all shapes, depicted on your clothing. And... because your leggings are so defective, women who wear your leggings run the risk of exposing their vaginas!

To take it one step further... y'all have a shit-ton of Doritos on your stuff, too. Why?

I thought you guys were in the business of making people money. Aren't you supposed to be designing items that are easy to sell so that your underlings can make "full-time money for part-time work"? Aren't you all about love and blessing people?

I got news for you: I want to be blessed with far more than vaginas and Doritos. I want to be blessed with seeing posts about people getting their refunds. I want to see fewer posts about women losing everything because y'all sent them box after box of crap that you KNEW would never sell. 

Want to bless people? Bless them with making your own designs and stop stealing art.   There are thousands of us who have now honed the art of looking at an article of your clothing and instantly knowing whether or not y'all truly designed it or if we should reverse-image-Google-search that shit to see who the real artist is. And, how do we know? Because your designs contain vaginas and Doritos. It's a simple process to narrow it all down.  

I don't need to wear vaginas on my legs. I don't want my vagina to pop out because of a defective/ripped/torn pair of leggings. I don't want to see any more women going bankrupt because of your vagina obsession either. So, please get your shit together.